Jess Can't Cook

Lemon Cucumber Salad

2008-07-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

One of the first new foods I tried after I moved out to northern California was a lemon cucumber. You usually buy them when they are a light greenish yellow. You do not have to peel or seed them when they are like that and they are a lot less bitter than the regular slender green types. They are also round and when they get a little bigger their skin turns a darker, more intense, yellow. When they are like this you do need to peel and seed them.

We planted two lemon cucumber starts in our bed this year and they have taken over. They nearly choked the peppers, and have now climbed up the chain-link into a tree. There are even a couple of blossoms up there, we may have our first ever cucumber tree in a few weeks. The point is, they have grown like mad; they grow too fast for us to only use the young fuss-less fruits (vegetables, fine).
The Whole Foods Market Cookbook (2002) had a recipe for Thai Cucumber Salad. The salad is made up of two pounds of cucumbers, a jalapeño, scallions and peanuts. We had a few handfuls of blistered peanuts from Trader Joe's (which are good, but not as good as you hope they will be, because that's how Trader Joe's does) that were waiting to be included in something.
The dressing was simply brown rice vinegar, sugar, garlic, salt, curry powder, and lemongrass. Luck had it that we had bought fresh lemongrass at the farmers market the week before which also needed to be used (you can see the leaves poking in the left side of the picture above). Fortune had it that I had made homemade curry powder about a month before, which is spicy and delicious. It was for a tofu scramble I made from the always perfect Ms. Swanson (whose book I referenced in a previous post).
I whisked together the dressing; peeled, seeded, and sliced nine of those golden veggies; prepped the remaining ingredients; mixed the salad and poured and stirred in the dressing. Nothing to it. (Nothing to it took forty minutes . . . that is how I do).
The cook worked on a Thai basil eggplant (slender Asian ones also from our garden). It included pine nuts, olive oil and chili peppers. I made the tofu with my new method which involves two cooking processes and corn starch; it is good, but not quite there yet. This was our dinner:
The eggplant was soft and creamy and the tofu was nearly crunchy with a soft center (like I said, it's not quite there yet, but it is good. I would say it's something I can cook, but not cook impressively). The salad was fresh tasting, but not that spectacular.
Here's the leftover salad looked like this evening:
The color was darker and the flavors much deeper. The salad needed a full day to marinate, the 20 minutes the recipe called for were clearly not enough. I should have known since the same can be said for the cabbage salad we practically live off of some weeks. The peanuts had gotten soggy but everything else had improved.
Speaking of improvement I am planning another attempt at zucchini bread. Wish me luck.

Jess Can't Breathe

2008-07-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

We took a beautiful vacation to the state of Washington a few weeks ago. Good timing too. Because as you may have heard the entire state of California where we reside is on fire. It has been for almost a month. We had the good fortune to leave right when they started.
When we drove back in the mighty Flying Eggplant (Ford Ranger) we passed Mt. Shasta. Here is a picture of both the mountain ans the Flying Eggplant:

Yay. Isn't California a scenic beauty? Everything is so dramatic and breathtaking. Speaking of here's what awaited us on the other side of the mountain:

That was taken just off of the bridge across Mt. Shasta. We still had about a two hour drive down into the valley before we got home. As we drove the air got thicker and thicker with smoke. Looking to the west it looked like a regular light gray fog. To the east it looked like what it was, smoke. There was no sky. There had been not sky for about a week and a half (that was two weeks ago). There was only smoke. The air when we got home was acrid and choking. We were lucky to be gone.
Last week it looked like it was going to clear up. The 4th was gorgeous and the sky blue. Things were looking up. And then the fire it got worse. An overnight change of the winds lead to the fires in Butte County exploding in size. On Tuesday morning I went out side to feed the cats and it was raining ash.
Morning glory with ash replacing morning dew. Lovely.
And that orange hue? Not some photography trick but the natural light outside. The whole sky was orange all day and it still is three days later.
Now I am not complaining, just describing how it's been. A lot of people have lost homes and the worst thing I have is some ashy flowers (and some smoke particles that we have been told will never leave our bodies since there is no way to expectorate such particulate matter - that was complaining).

2008-01-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

Every year at this time the cook goes down to LA for a conference. This annual trip is also eagerly anticipated by yours truly. It is a time I have the house to my lonesome, something I savor. I netflix selfishly, listen to the radio in the shower in the morning (a time the cook would be sleeping), lie around and read in the afternoons, and live by my own self-centered schedule.
Another thing I do is find recipes that I know the cook would be put off by, usually by the title, and that I would like to try. While buying gifts for others before christmas, I bought my self the wonderfully perfect Heidi Swanson's recent cookbook, Super Natural Cooking. To see just how wonderfully perfect Heidi Swanson is, I suggest her site: 101cookbooks.com. I had tagged her Millet Fried "Rice" and Golden -Crusted Brussels Sprouts.
I should preface this by saying I was getting over being quite sick, and my sense of taste was significantly diminished. I realized before I even started this project that the end result may be lost on me, and I would have no idea how this would actually taste, but I went ahead with it anyway. I made an evening out of it, which is required if something is going to turn out wonderfully perfect. So I set out on an evening of beer, the Office, my netflix, and being blissfully alone.
The brussels sprouts were quite easy: wash, cut in half, heat oil in skillet, put sprouts flat side down, salt, don't touch for a while, then flip them over. The only part that was going to mess me up was timing. Finesse and timing are two things I have a difficult time with, and the millet was going to test both. I cooked the millet as directed. I panicked a little when it was supposed to be done and looked kind of soupy, but I turned up the heat a touch and five minutes later the criss was averted.
I should mention that the ingredient list is not extensive, but it is by no means simple. You don't just add oil to the wok, you add clarified butter (recipe on page 199). You don't just slice carrots, you first peel slices with a vegetable peeler and then slice them into match sticks. You don't just use soy sauce, you use shoyu. Um . . . I am not quite cut out for this level of wonderful perfection. Though I admit I did do the carrot thing.
I also had to make a quick omelet in the wok, that would later be sliced and added to the millet. It wasn't the prettiest thing, but it was cooked and not burned. An accomplishment by my standards. I also had to pre-fry the tofu, one of the only things that I have become proficient at (yes, I know it's super easy).
Because it's a stir fry I made sure everything was ready before hand so I could do it all quick quick quick. So I followed the recipe, and viola! My arms got a definite workout when I added the millet, which was all sticky and made me think of the cook's assumed reaction to the recipe. Maybe he would have been right? Here's how my diner looked:
It was good! Granted, I wasn't quite sure it it was good or not due to my lack of smell. So just to be sure I had a friend, who can cook quite well by the way, over for lunch. And she even said it was good. She liked it so much she took some home with her. Good thing she liked it too, because I had a bit of left-overs:

Breaking a Blogging Fast for the New Year

2008-01-16T10:15:00.000-08:00

For our first full day in our house in '08 I made a soup I found in the Vegetarian Times I bought in La Guardia Airport on our way home from our loooong holiday back east. According to the magazine Moroccan Harira is served during Ramadan to break the fast. Traditionally it has lamb, which of course was out, but the chickpeas (drained), green lentils (par boiled), onion (chopped), cilantro and parsley (chopped), ground ginger, cinnamon stick, tomatoes (separated from juice) and vermicelli. And look, every thing's all prepped and ready to go! What a fortuitous way to begin cooking in the new year.
I proceeded step by step and all went well. While the soup was simmering I began to make the tadouira, which sounds exciting and exotic but was only a little flour, chopped cilantro, lemon juice and tomato paste. This is how I realized that despite my newly acquired skill at preparation, I has screwed up. The little white spice packed that I assumed was full of ground ginger, was actually full of all purpose flour. Good thing the onions had sauteed in the rich aromatics of cinnamon and all-purpose flour. I'm sure the beans benefitedd from softening in the warming spice of all-purpose flour.
So I put the ginger, and waited five or so minutes before putting int he tadouira and vermicelli. It ended up tasting sweet and sour, especially with the lemon slices it was served with. I did tell the cook I screwed up. I also told him it was no big deal. The cook was not surprised that, despite the planned preparation, I had manged to mess it up somehow. I was surprised at how much the cook liked the soup. The only suggestion was more noodles. I can do that with out screwing it up (I think).

Zucchini (Bread)

2007-09-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Yet again, it's been a long time. Three things have made me want to attempt to get into this again. The first was a friend who expressed her disappointment with me and chided me for my blog neglect. The second was a comment left here on my brown bread post. I have no idea who Alex is, or how he came across this deserted blog, but it was appreciated. I have not written to tell him (possibly her I suppose) that because I like that I have no idea who it is.
Finally, I have the ultimate example of my enthusiastic ineptitude in the kitchen. This summer's attempt at zucchini bread.
Wait, what? That's so easy, it's just a quick bread? That's great that your seven year old can whip one up in an afternoon? Well bully for her. (I can drink six beers, go to bed at 4 AM and wake up at 8 feeling fine. Can she do that? Cause I did it today. No naps, bitch!)
I would like to clarify that I cannot recall ever making a quick bread before. But, like you said, it's so easy, right?
I found a reciepe (that I will not link to so as not to defile the individual's recipe, which I am sure is superb in able hands) that sounded interesting. It called for basil in the zucchini bread, which sounded delicious and unusual. Because if I am going to try something, it might as well be as unusual and not something that's been tested out time and time again. Who needs that when you're a person who can barely cook let alone bake?
Here it is:
Looks a bit moist, right? I thought so too, only that's totally not what the damned toothpick told me the third time it came out clean with the cook himself looking on!
Did the kitchen smell fantastic? You know it did! Did the top look golden with inviting ridges beaconing a taste? Hell, yeah! Did I even wait for it to cool? Amen! Did I begin to worry as it began to compress as it cooled? Absolutely! Did I only refrain from touching it for the next half an hour due to the occasional encouraging reprimand that it would be fine if I just left it alone by the cook? That's the gospel truth!
Pre-toasting:

What you don't like your quick bread glistening?
But how did it taste? That is the most important thing. It was good. Definitely unusual. I did like it, the basil taste was strong, and if you toasted it and slathered it with butter it was delicious. Here's what that looked like after being toasted and cloaked in butter:
Mmmmmmmm! Ok, the butter may have added to the gloss factor, but gravity don't lie. It was moist and I can't cook zucchini bread.
I possibly put a little more shredded zucchini than the recipe called for, maybe. There is a chance that may or may not have occurred. I mean it's not like baking's a science or anything, right? I mean what are you supposed to do with an extra half coup of shredded zucchini?
And you can shut the hell up about my floor. It' s been cleaned twice since then.

The Beginning of a Busy Boozy Belly-full of the Tail-end of June

2007-06-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

The end of June marks the cook's birthday, and this year the celebrating began for me with my oldest and closest friend, MJ, finally came out for a visit. I have been living in Chico for nearly six years and it was the first time she had ever been out to see me. She finally arrived on Friday the 15th. That night we went bar hopping and ended the night with me sliding off the bar stool over and over while we talked to some friends. Her parting words were, "Nice to meet you. We're going home to fight!" Which is what happened and how I got my newest bruise. But that's how we've always done and why we're each other's oldest and closest friend.
Food related highlights of the trip:
Earlier that same night we were at the only hotel bar in downtown. It fancies itself a classy joint, but it's contrived and full of business types and apparently lots of dentists from Sacramento who like to tell a member of the cook's band who works as manager there what he is doing wrong and how they would run the place . . . The developer/owner of the hotel was there with his wife. He went to do some chatworking in the empty restaurant and his wife was holding down their four seats at the bar while trying to mingle with the "arty" jazz musicians that had just finished a set. Soon she wasn't talking to anybody but standing close to MJ & I, at which point MJ snarked something to the effect of, "You know, they have a fairly adequate offering of scotch; but if they wanted a truly good one they ought to have a this and a that. And I find it odd that they don't have one that's at least X amount of years old . . . " At which point the woman walked away. And that is why she is my oldest and closest friend.
We also took a trip down to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. While we didn't go to the restaurant there, which I have heard is delicious, we did manage to have breakfast at Cliff House in San Francisco the next day after a nice walk down to seal rock which was full of sea lions (?). We warmed up with coffee after being in the wet, salty bay air which was only topped by fresh, hot pop-overs. Which we topped with butter and marmalade and ate while pelicans sailed by the window. The veggie scramble, fresh fruit and potatoes were also delicious, and we all left completely full and of need of another walk before we got back into the rental car for what would be an unbearably frustrating, anxious, tense, beautiful and long ride back to Chico. Good thing we're such close and old friends.
Mainly her visit was hanging out, swimming in the creek, drinking lots of beer along with a lot of talking and giving each other a lot of shit.

Mice & Men = Nature Wins

2007-06-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

Today at work a co-worker has summoned me to look out the window and admire the little mice she and two other smoking co-workers had just saved form a sure drowning. We had just had a fierce thunderstorm roll through (which happens to be quite unusual for these here parts) and there were plenty of puddles for worms, mice and whatever else little creatures to fall victim to. My friend was so excited for me to look at the little topos she had just spared from certain death, as I am the animal lover of the office. I followed her to the window (which we are both tall enough so that we have to stand on our toes to peer through) and she said, "See, Jess, it's right there where that . . blue jay . . . is . . uh. Oh, God. Never mind, don't look, Jess."
So I didn't.
She was bummed. She's also giving up all caffeine so she was already a bit depressed to begin with, she was close to crying. But I saw the great irony in this turn of events. Sure it was sad, but it was also nature's way of saying "Step off, bitch, and let me do my thing." Also, at least now the mice were now going straight back into the food chain. Hopefully a nice alley cat will eat that blue jay tonight and the cycle can continue onward.

Bloated Brown Bread, Baked Beans & Beer Belly Ache

2007-05-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, Patriots Day. Belatedly observed in the north state last Thursday night by my friend from Boston, myself and the cook. Nothing fancy, just a can of baked beans heated on the stove along with vegetarian bratwurst and of course, brown bread baked fresh from the can in the broiler. Oh, and some beer and a green salad.
My belly has woken up in better moods, but it was well worth it. Next year we're going to do Patriots Day big and correct. This year we celebrated it a week and a half late. Next year a day early, on a Sunday, with a back yard party and who know what else, a mini marathon - 26 times around the block, a row of toasters at the ready for slices of brown bread, Hoodsies for desert?! If I could only find a way to ship Hoodsies . . .

Also, school will be over soon and I will try to get into this for honest. I keep thinking about doing it, but I guess the lone April post speaks for itself. For instance, last week I made a delicious asparagus and cilantro soup. I got the recipe from Chow.com and only had half of the asparagus called for. Which worked out well, because apparently the cook is now claiming he finds thick asparagus soup too asparagusy. That's what I thought too, but I didn't say anything. Either way it was superb. Not only that but I marinated tofu with tamari, some sesame salad dressing and a touch of maple syrup. I then fried it in our little nonstick pan in just the marinate till it got a bit puffy and caramelized. Then I put those tasty little cubes on top f shredded lettuce, carrot and red cabbage which i put a drizzle of the salad dressing on. It was great, of course my camera was out of batteries, but no big deal.
Last night we made the soup again. Only this time it was made with utter hatred instead of love and care. We fought and yelled and he got a nasty cut (on a glass he was washing that I won't even go into the ridiculous of and why it made me sad). Guess how it tasted. Salty and bad.
So that's how it goes.

The Can't

2007-04-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Finally! My first official "Can't" entry. This happened two weeks ago on a sunday evening. It sent me into a stress filled-freak out-tailspin and what was supposed to be a lovely diner and lazy sunday evening was quite the opposite.
Doesn't it look appetizing?
I burned the rice. I decided to not use the rice cooker and instead, for my batch of Cilantro Lime Rice from the Whole Foods Market Cookbook, i followed the recipe. Bad decision. I'm not sure when I last cooked rice in a pan. We have a rice cooker, which is a fantastic machine. I do not know why I thought my my two hands could do better or even as good as sophisticated Japanese fuzzy logic technology. Like I said, it was a bad decision.
Not only was the rice burned but it wasn't even fully cooked. Meanwhile I had heaps of chopped cilantro and spinach from the farmer's market waiting and I had to use it, so I salvaged what I could of the rice and mixed it all together. But not before a lot of yelling, mostly sharp obscenities, that were a cry for help which was not coming from the cook. The cook did talk me down a bit but only after we argued and got each other frustrated and I stormed around the kitchen.
The original menu for the evening was going to be the cilantro lime rice & some tofu cooked in the same manner as the previous post, only with pesto we had also bought at the farmers market. It is a cilantro pesto and has a vibrant garlic bite to it. It is made locally by Cal's Tofu and is amazing. So amazing that it made this horrid meal edible.
The cook was nice "It's not bad, Jess. Seriously, it's not." The tofu wasn't, and any bite with the pesto was good. But the rice was terrible. Even with pesto on it.
Recent events have given me a bit of perspective about what a bad decision really is. I made one on tuesday night that I don't want to go into right now. I'd like to keep it about cooking, a "can't" I can handle.

"The Can"

2007-03-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

Here is the slaw I was planning to make with the dressing. It turned out well. Not that slaw is a particularly difficult thing to make as long as you have a decent dressing. This picture is about two weeks old now. I have since made the slaw again with a slight change to the dressing: a bit more ginger and a little more than half the original amount of sesame oil.
What I am proud of, "the can" in the picture is the tofu. I got the recipe from the April 2006 Vegetarian Times magazine. I had never cooked tofu in a cast iron skillet before, the skillet is, in fact, a fairly new acquisition. The most difficult part was letting the tofu sit untouched on one side for seven minutes, and then on the other side for five more. I do not like to leave things alone when cooking, I like to stir and disturb my food. Those first seven minutes I anticipated chiseling off the tofu with a thick, black, unbudging cake left behind.
But no! It flipped - nothing to it. Five minutes later (three of which the glaze was added to the pan) diner was served. What did the cook think?
He hummed! He hummed while he ate - the ultimate compliment.

Dressing - Take One

2007-03-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

Monday night I knew I was coming down with something, we also had a lot of ginger to use up. We decided on something fast, easy which just so happened to also be healthy. The most obvious choice was our red lentil soup, it's super easy (broth, onions, red lentils, spices, delicious) and comes from a great cookbook, Ismail Merchant's Passionate Meals, an Indian food book which I'll maybe write about sometime, but not now. Soup was the cook's job, and he did a fine one at that. But this isn't about the cook, it's about the can't cook.
I had already chosen the Sesame-Ginger dressing from my Vegetarian Planet book (which is hit or miss - but it's usually not the book's fault). I'm not sure if I'd ever even made a dressing before. I thought it called for a good deal of dark sesame oil - 1/4 cup, but I followed the recipe - with just a touch more ginger. It was made of ginger, a little garlic, pepper, sugar, salt, apple cider vinegar all together. Then sloooowly whisking in the canola & sesame oil in order to emulsify everything together.
What a pain! It took me about 4 minutes. Four long, arm cramping minutes. But in the end, it got a "That looks great. Good job on slowly emulsifying, Jess." Of course this is before we had consumed any of it. . .
It was alright, not great and nowhere near bad; a bit too sweet and a bit too sesame-ish. Both mellowed out the next day, and was quite tasty. Cook thought it would be good in a cabbage slaw, so that's probably what's next.
Also coming up is something I've been wanting to do for a long time. Here's a hint - it's being planned around the upcoming dry periods (interpret that as you will).
And I did get sick - but not all that sick compared to other people I know around here.

2007-02-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

The sports guy on our local news who looks like a ferrit, but acts like a jackass, drives this car. And he might measure up to five feet. We saw him on our way to our coffee spot downtown. It made me increadably happy. As the always graciously tactful lady that I am, I pointed and said "Hey, look!" I exclaimed pointing across the street, "It's the weasly sports guy on the news! The one we can't stand!"
"Oh, yah it is. And I think he heard you, Jess."

"That's ok. OH MY GOD he drives a PT Cruiser!! Heeee"

That said, his girlfriend legs do reach his nose. Lucky him I guess.

2007-02-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

So I got a bit cocky about the whole golden omlet thing. And when the cook of the house returned I insisted that I cook breakfast. "No, no, no, you just stay in bed. I'm going to prove to you how great I am at this now. Besides you burnt the eggs you cooked last time" Of course I was only one for one, and his recent eggs failure was like one out of hundreds of sucesscess. Needless to say, it didn't go as golden as before. But they were still tasty (and better than his last eggs) so I didn't take a picture.
So instead here is my kitten, TrashBear. She had gotten fixed and hence the cone.

2007-01-22T20:40:00.000-08:00

We have a deal at home, because I lack a certain, say - finese, in the kitchen, I do the dishes and he usually makes the meal. This is espically true for weekend breakfasts, when eggs are needed and you can take the time to sip coffee and make more than just toast with almond butter. That said, I had never made an omlet, mostly becasue I didn't have to.
This weekend I was on my own and decided I would take all of my observational learning and attempt my first omlet (I always just cop out with scrambles because I know that I can do those o.k.). So I went step by step. First, I sauteyed the onion and added the mushrooms to that when the onion had become a bit golden and translucent. When that was done I put that in a bowl in the oven to keep the mixture warm. Then on low heat I poured three eggs that had been lightly beaten into the non-stick pan. Periodically I turned and tilted the pan, I realize this is noththing new to most, but for me it was quite an accomplishment. In the end I added some goat cheese and added the onion & mushroom mixture, then folded over the egg. And viola! My first ever honest to goodness omlet! Seriously - look how golden that is. I was quite proud. Not confident - I'm not about to change the name of this blog(ish). It even tasted good.
In fact, the reason I decided to re-start this project was the omlet. I felt compelled to take pictures of the breakfast, just to prove to the regular cook of the house that I did it. Then I thought about how I had wanted to chronicle my attempts at cooking for a long time and have never gotten to it - like a number of other things (hello, backflip).
So, I did.
Ta-da.

Like Ishi . . .

2006-07-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

emerging from the foothills.